I'm Only Beginning
by inca-dove
Summary: AU, R1: Secrets and lies surround Relena as she is forced to make a decision that can change the lives of everyone.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: blah blah blah, I don't own! Yadda yadda yadda, don't sue me.  
  
A/N: This is Relena looking back on life, kinda like shes reflecting on things. I don't know if its really any good. Its short, I already know that, and I'm sorry. However, this was written on a whim, so, if you like it, let me know. If enough people think it's a good start, then I'll add a real story to go along with it.  
  
Let the unfolding begin...  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
I'm Only Beginning  
  
Chapter One  
  
Prologue  
  
* * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Its funny, isn't it, how the stars will shine with their bright brilliance, yet they're surrounded by the darkest of black? I always believed that the stars were symbolic to hope, that whenever your life took a turn for the worst, you always had a brightness to look forward too. Never through my years of life did I detour from this belief. I kept it close to me, always. And yet, I wonder now, if I had given up all hope and let the things be the way they were meant to be, what would my life be like now?  
  
My one down fall is, is that I am, for better or for worse, one of the most head strong people you will ever get the chance to know. My friends tell me that there was only one person that they could think of that could be even more stubborn than I was. It was a joke then, and it is still a joke now, but we've changed. We've all changed.  
  
Time and happening's helped us to become the people we are today. It was only to be expected. How could we have had such lives and still turn out the same? How could I have ever stayed the little, innocent, naïve, girl that I was back then. I'm older now, and I know quit a bit more, but deep down inside, I wish that I could be as ignorant of the world as I used to be. How I miss the days when me and my friends would just lounge around in the shade of a tree, and laugh at our jokes until we couldn't laugh no more.  
  
Yes, those were our best times together. Who would have ever known that things would only go down hill from there? I lost the man I loved, and one of my friends lost the girl he loved. We all lost something, be it either big or small, we still lost it. Gone, never to hold again. And all we have left, are our memories that keep us going. If one of lost our memories, we would all be lost. The idea of sweetness in oblivion will someday be forgotten.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
So people, what did you think? Is it really bad? I know I'm not really a deep thinker, and this is about as deep as I go, but, please say it wasn't too awfully shallow!!  
  
If you liked it, and you want more, let me know. I wrote this as a whim, and I'd like to write more, but if you people don't really like the beginning, then I guess I can always skip it and call it a one shot. Oh well!  
  
Don't forget to review! And um, review!!  
  
Ja ne,  
  
Inca 


	2. Waiting

Disclaimer: I walk into a café, and get this, the rights for Gundam Wing are for sale! But alas, I only have on me a few dollars and some spare coins. So I raise my head towards the sky and ask, "Why God, why?" And you know the answer I get, I'm told that some random author already bought them! So now I'm off to find that author and kick their butt so I can take the rights away from them. Bwahahahah. But don't tell, this will be our little secret!  
  
A/N: I got reviews!!!! Yeah!! Like I've already stated, I'm not really a deep thinker. If I can skim the top of things, I'll normally do so. I'm sorry if there is any OOCness. Trust me, I tried to keep the characters in line.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
I'm Only Beginning  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Waiting  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
"Oh heero!" I can't believe what's going on, it's like magic.  
  
I watch you move in slowly, tentatively, almost afraid this isn't happening.  
  
You're so close to me, I can feel your breath on my face.  
  
I smell you, you have a sweet, sweaty scent.  
  
This isn't a dream, it has to be real.  
  
Our lips touch, and for a second I sense you've become hesitant.  
  
You're backing away!  
  
No, don't leave me Heero!  
  
I'm listening to you, and your telling me no.  
  
Why?  
  
* * * *  
  
"Oi, you mean she's not up yet?" A very irate Duo exclaimed as he turned back towards the door leading to Relena's room. Figuring the best course of action would be busting the door down and dragging what would be a very peeved, grouchy, lady out of her morning respite.  
  
"Relena had a stressing day yesterday. I fear that the responsibilities of being in her position are finally taking their toll." Quatre quietly explained to the retreating form of Duo. He knew Relena needed time to herself, she was very seldom given a chance to be left alone to her thoughts. And yet, he also agreed with Duo, thirty minuets was far too long to force a person to sit and wait.  
  
Wufei, casually leaning against the far wall, paid no heed to his fellow comrades as he silently tried to answer the reason as to why they were asked to come. Finding no answer forthcoming, he stayed silent, the way he always was. Concluding that when something needed to be spoken, he'd speak it.  
  
Trowa, occupying the other far wall, decided it was time to get down to the facts at hand. "Duo, calm yourself, women make it a habit to sleep in." Aware this aspect seemed true in all cases, he felt an almost absurd idea come to mind about going ahead and letting Duo have his way.  
  
"Yeah, but, she should be up. She called us here!" Almost as an afterthought, Duo quickly added, "And besides, Relena's already good enough looking, she don't need no more beauty sleep!" Glancing around the room and noticing the bored expressions on his comrade's faces, he sighed to himself in silent surrender, Duo sat down in one of the chairs conveniently spread out through the adjoined waiting room they were placed in.  
  
The room became once more silent as each individual kept to their own respective thoughts. Each one wondering what it was that was so urgent to bring them all together anew. None really knowing what to expect, and all waiting for the procrastinated question to come, where's Heero?  
  
* * * *  
  
Why are you leaving me Heero?  
  
Your walking away, I can barely make out your figure.  
  
Your last words are filtering through my mind.  
  
I think to myself, "what's wrong?"  
  
I find no answer coming.  
  
Your gone now, you've left me.  
  
I'm in the dark; alone and forgotten.  
  
Why?  
  
* * * *  
  
"Why?" An almost inaudible whisper escaped Relena's lips as she slowly woke from her night's dream. Gradually opening her eyes, Relena was hardly aware of the guys that were impatiently waiting for her in the next room.  
  
Her only thought was that of her dream. But it was only that, a dream. Nothing to worry about, none of it really happened. Reassuring herself of this vital fact, Relena grudgingly peeled away her warm covers and stiffly got to her feet.  
  
Yawning away the rest of her tiredness, Relena mentally prepared herself to confront the group of awaiting men. Her friends, good friends, people she knew she could trust and count on. People who had stuck with her for what seemed like years now.  
  
Older, and wiser, but still that same naïve, little girl, Relena set about her morning tasks.  
  
* * * *  
  
Wufei was aware of the moment Relena roused from her slumber. Almost happy that this trial of waiting would soon come to a close. It wasn't that he minded silently contemplating to himself about untold questions. No, quite the opposite, it was only just that he wanted to know what the hell was going on. So, instead of keeping this truth silent, he impassively implied, "Relena's awake."  
  
True to his words, the group barely had enough time to look at Wufei in wonder before hearing Relena's door creak open.  
  
Dressed in a simple but elegant blue suit, Relena crossed the floor to stand infront of the guys. She stood there, in all her radiant dignity, and waited. She knew time was up, that certain things needed to be said. But she didn't want to have to take the initiative.  
  
Though he had some small inkling as to what this was all about, Trowa wanted it to be perfectly clear, "So what's this all about Relena?" He almost regretted asking once he noticed the rueful look that crossed her exquisite face.  
  
Relena smiled a sad smile. Now it was time, and she had to let go.  
  
"Heero."  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
A/M: Alright, people, I'm really enjoying writing my OWN fic for once, but, sadly, I'm going to be going off to college. Don't get me wrong, I will still update this, however, instead of getting a new chap ever week, it will probably be more like ever two weeks, possibly three. But hey, at least I'm going to still update, that's a plus!  
  
AND NOW, THE REVIEWES  
  
Cori: Thanks for saying I'm a mature writer, made me feel.... all warm and fuzzy inside...err? Anyways, thanks for reviewing! HOWEVER....I'm not going to reveal who the guy and girl was lost quit yet. BWAHAHAHAHA  
  
MysticInca: You know your sad when the majority of your reviews are from your family. *sighs* oh well. LOL, and if you though the first chap was "deep" just you wait. Dun dun dun.  
  
Ione_girl: You're unworthy of talking to me in such a fashion! *glares at the sky* Sisters, I tell you!! Anyways *in that sickly sweet voice* thank you for reviewing, come again.  
  
Err...A/N second edition....errr? Anyways, for those of you who like InuYasha, check out "Fate's Tears" It's a great story! Guaranteed to be sad and depressing. Well, I'm not really doing this story justice, so, just take my word on it, and go read it!!!!!!!  
  
Inca 


	3. Truth

Disclaimer: I was sitting in my College Algebra 124 class, trying desperately to figure out what radicals meant, when, quiet suddenly, a little green and blue bird flew up to my ear and sweetly whispered, "Your dumb, you don't own Gundam Wing." And then it flew away. So you see folks, I don't own, nor will I ever...(to my great distress ^^;;) Gundam Wing.  
  
A/N: *Looks around* What the hell!! I'm being ignored! No ones reading my story!! Gerr!! Well, if thats the case, sheesh! But, college life is sorta kinda boring, so, I will continue writing this fic, and hope that some one out there will once again review!  
  
I did NOT copy this idea off of anyone else, if there is anything that sounds remotely like anybody's else's works, it is pure coincidental.  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
I'm Only Beging  
  
Chapter 3  
  
Truth  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
It was in that one moment that I knew everything had changed. The days that followed were hard on us all, and we found ourselves running in circles most of the time. But as I sit and gaze upon the world as it is now, all I see is peace, and I wish that they were here to see it with me.  
  
Why is life so full of ironies, why does life persist to laugh at your misfortunes, over and over again? A turtle may be slow, and unable to run from predators, but it still has that protective covering that saves its day. Are we like that in some small way? Is it true that when trouble comes at us, we normally find ourselves hiding, desperately seeking secure lookouts? And yet, when life seems to knock us down the hardest, it is then that we can finally arise to our fullest, and unit to become an unstoppable match. It's as if we cannot comprehend the ideal that life is based totally, and thoroughly, on desperateness.  
  
Everybody should just take a day off, and sit back to watch the sun rise. Watch as the golden light streaks across our lands to conquer the dark shadows that lay dormant in our hearts; to fade away, and never come back.  
  
We spend many our hours sleeping, dreaming of fantasies with knights in shining armor, and the fair maiden who screams in helpless fate. Such grand stories, such wonderful fantasies, that sometimes, we give up on reality, and wait for our dream to come. Such is a pitiful way to die.  
  
* * *  
  
It was dark.  
  
A man opened his dull cobalt eyes, creatures of the darkness, objects he couldn't decipher, were all that greeted him. These were his companions, they were to be with him, and only him; they were there to taunt him.  
  
It was cold.  
  
The man shivered as he reached out to his tattered cloak. He had already lost feeling in his hands and feet. His once nimble limbs now refusing to budge. Just like his heart; cold, decrepit, hollow.  
  
It was quiet.  
  
He hadn't heard a single voice now for what seemed to him like years. The chattering voices had been the only thing that had kept him sane thus far. Silence, nothing more and nothing less, it was silence that filled his ears now. A loud silence, that would never leave him, would never just go away.  
  
It was hopeless.  
  
As the days drifted on, the man had slowly began to give up all hope that one day his own savior from far way would come. A week, a month, time was irreverent, nobody was coming, and he knew that fact better than his own skin. No body knew where he was, nobody would have cared to know.  
  
He closed his eyes, and willed the pain to go away. Raising his hand up, he gently stroked his cheek. Whispering words to sooth his hurt in the night air.  
  
He laid down and waited for the bliss of dreaming to come. In his dreams, he was free and no longer in this hell. He slowly drifted off, glad that peaceful oblivion was close.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
"Heero"  
  
Relena took a step closer to the guys and looked at each of them separately.  
  
"This is all about Heero."  
  
Her voice calm and collected, betraying none of the inner turmoil that hid in her mind.  
  
"I believe it is time now for us to discus this matter."  
  
Her eyes silently pleaded for them to understand what she was trying to tell them. Begging that they help her now.  
  
"As you all well know," She paused, somehow the words just didn't want to come out, they wanted to stay hidden and deny the truth of it all.  
  
Clearing her throat, Relena continued, "Heero has been," Another pause. Why was it so hard for her to just say it?  
  
"Heero has been missing for.um, quite some time now, and I just." 'wanted you to reassure me he's not dead.' She wanted to say, but instead said "wanted to notify all you that Heero Yuy will officially be labeled deceased tomorrow afternoon."  
  
If her goal was to get a reaction from any of them, she was sorely pressed. Trowa and Wufei stayed emotionless. Relena could only guess what those two were thinking. Quatra's eyes widened, but looking at him, she knew that he had long expected this turn of events to come. But Duo? She would have expected him to explode, to tell her that he would go and tell everyone that Heero wasn't dead, that Heero couldn't die. Heero just didn't have it in him to die. But instead, Duo was calm, collected, maybe even a little annoyed.  
  
"So this is it. You don't believe them, do you Relena?" She barely registered Trowa's question. Though, oddly enough, it sounded more like a statement than a question.  
  
"Of course I don't!" Drawing her attention away from Duo, she turned to face Trowa squarely, "Of course I don't believe what they say. How can I give up hope on Heero?"  
  
A fire raged in her eyes, as she answered his real, true, unspoken question. She loved Heero, it would be impossible for her to give up on him. She understood this, why wouldn't they.  
  
"I'm sorry Relena, but this just doesn't make any sense to me." Wufei finally spoke. "Why would they believe that Heero is dead, if they have no evidence." Wufei thought about his own question for a little bit, until he came to a very cold conclusion.  
  
"They DON'T have any evidence, right?" Wufei, raising his head to look at Relena, was almost anxious on what the answer to that would be.  
  
Relena sighed, this wasn't how it was supposed to go. "The ones who deal with this matter have means to believe it is true, yes."  
  
Couldn't they tell that she didn't want to talk about this any more. Was it so hard to see the pain that was swimming in her eyes.  
  
"Please."  
  
It was just a whisper, a small, sad, terrified whisper, that escaped her lips. A plead, a beg, a sign of innocence, but Duo wouldn't stand for it.  
  
Picking himself off the chair that he had currently been occupying, Duo began to make his way toward the door. The rest of the guys began to follow his lead, as Relena stared on in confusion.  
  
Once Duo was in front of the door, the turned around and looked back over to where Relena was still standing, "Heero's not dead." He said it with so much force, so much conviction, that she allowed herself to believe.  
  
With that said, he curtly left her presence.  
  
In the span of a few seconds, Relena was left alone in her waiting room.  
  
Relena collapsed to her knees and let the bitter tears flow. She believed Duo, but deep down, there was still that sickening thought that maybe, just maybe, Duo was wrong, and that Heero was lost to her for good.  
  
She stayed there for a few moments till she was able to collect her remaining pride and started on her way to "his" office.  
  
* * *  
  
Light blue eyes danced merrily as they watched the x-gundam pilots take their leave of HIS building.  
  
It was perfect now, everything would start to fall into place. First Heero, now the pilots. A wicked laugh bubbled up in his throat as he thought about how fun it was to play everyone. Yes, indeed, he was enjoying this.  
  
Only a few more things to do, and it would be complete.  
  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
A/N: Well, people, don't be shy, leave a review.  
  
I think I pretty much have my story planed out now, so, I THINK I know what I'm going to do.  
  
So sorry it took me sooooo long to get this chapter out. But well, those of you who are in college, know what its like. I have homework every day now. Its sooo weird, and I actually have to study now! Before, I had never opened up a single book in my life.  
  
Well, I sincerely hope you liked it. Review if you will, or flame me. Flames are welcome, as long as its not he dumb flames where all you say is that the story sucked. I mean, honestly, if you don't like a story, they why read it? Sheesh people. But reviews are my favorite!!  
  
Okay, well, when I wrote that last part, I my brain was mush from all the studying I had done. So yeah..it is important, in some way..right?  
  
I kant realy spel al tat goode, so, plese excluse it. Tank You!! 


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